Archive for October, 2004

Oct 29 2004

Protected: What fucking EVER.

Published by under The Fam,Wedding

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Oct 28 2004

Goodnight, Moon.

Published by under Current Events,Rants,Work

I’m tired and I have a headache, possibly due to the fact that I am experiencing high exposure to the GOP.

HIYA, DUBYA!

President Bush seems to be in the vicinity of my town today.  You can just tell how excited I am, can’t you?  Honestly, I didn’t know he was going to be here, until The Man and I spotted some of those HUGE ASS Army helicopters (the kind that look like they hold tanks and have two big props) circling round and round.  Then he told me that Dubya was in town and I sighed.  Because I don’t like him. (George Bush, that is.  Not The Man.)

I was monitoring some of our agents’ phone calls today, and one of them asked a customer to repeat herself – then explained why he couldn’t hear her by saying “Sorry, we’ve got some Army helicopters circling our building.”  I had to laugh.  We are totally under surveillance, ma’am.  We are rogue tech support.  The CIA is closing in, so if you want help with your e-mail you’re going to have to step it up a bit.  I have to report to my gunport at 13:00.

The helicopters were circling for awhile, and I don’t know if they were admiring our stylish green metal roof, or debating whether the vacant land next to our building would be a good place to drop GOP propaganda.  Probably they were doing something really boring like securing the area and looking for possible “problem spots”, but my way is more fun.

GAY PEOPLE MAKE THE REDNECKS CRY

For those of you who don’t live in Michigan, Prop 2 on our ballot reads thusly: “The proposal would amend the state constitution to provide that ‘the union of one man and one woman in marriage shall be the only agreement recognized as a marriage or similar union for any purpose.’”  Needless to say, I’ll be voting no on this one, but I did see one yard sign that read “Vote YES on Prop 2!  Protect Marriage!”  and then I felt stupid because no one told me that marriage was an entity in need of protection.  I mean, there’s only 30 days until my wedding!  I haven’t even marriage-proofed my house yet!  I don’t know what my car’s safety rating is for marriage!  I don’t have marriage’s room ready, nor any items for taking care of marriage purchased!

I mean, let’s not be freaking retarded here.  Marriage doesn’t need protecting.  It’s a concept.  An idea.  At the most, a legal contract.  Just because two guys or two girls get married doesn’t mean that YOUR marriage automatically is for shit now.  I mean, they let child pornographers get married already, how come no one’s pitching a fit about that?  Child abusers get married.  Rapists get married.  How come those people can get married and marriage is still “protected”, but if two women who love each other and treat each other well want to get married, suddenly THE WHOLE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE IS THREATENED AND ANARCHY IS NOT FAR BEHIND.  As The Man pointed out, about half of marriages end in divorce anyway.  Doesn’t seem like us straight people are doing too good of a job protecting the sanctity of marriage.  But that’s okay.  It’s okay because that person has a penis, and that person has a vagina, so if they sign a legal document, suddenly they are entered into the Holy Shrine of Matrimony and a benevolent glow follows them, even if they beat their kids and rape the babysitter and shoot their sister-in-law and kill their spouses.  It’s still protected and holy and sacred because of the involvement of a man and a woman.

I know I’m not changing any minds here; most of you are already on my side, and those of you who aren’t have really stupid reasons like “The Bible says homosexuals are bad.”  Well, I hate to tell you this, but we don’t live in the United Theocracy of Jesus Christ and His Church on Earth, so what your religion says is true means complete dick to me.  I live in America, where people are supposed to be free to live their lives without undue involvement from other people or other religions that aren’t their own and that they don’t believe in.  OR, you have the other people who spit through their three teeth and say something brain-storming like “I dun like homersexuals.”  Well, good for you.  No one’s trying to get you to join the “homersexual” club.  As a matter of fact, I don’t think you have to worry much.  No one wants to be around you anyway.

How did I get on this subject?  I don’t know!  What’s my point?  Vote NO on Prop 2, or on the comparable proposal in your state!

DOUGHNUT HOLES MAKE JAS CRY

The Company Cheerleaders provided the fine autumnal treat of cider and doughnuts today, being that it’s nigh Halloween.  Foolishly, I expected to go into the break room and find normal, cinammon-sugar doughnuts, which everyone knows are the ONLY kind of doughnuts permissable with cider.  But alas, no one told the Cheerleaders, because we got three different kinds of doughnut holes, and nary a cinammon one to be seen.  Instead they were all glazed.  Glazed to the max.  Half the aforementioned hole consisted of it’s thick glazy coating.  TOO.  MUCH.  SUGAR.  I ate three and now I feel woozy.  And not in the good “drunk off hard cider way” but rather in the “sick from overly sweet doughnut holes way”.

OH NO, IS THE EARTH EATING THE MOON?

I kind of watched the lunar eclipse last night.  By “kind of”, I mean that I stared at the moon whenever I went out for a smoke break.  The first two times, the eclipse was not very far along.  Maybe one-quarter.  But the third time we were in totality and I COULD NOT FIND THE MOON.  Isn’t that scary?  The moon was gone!  I checked it’s last known location, and finally I saw a little glimmer.  The moon was playing peek-a-boo. After awhile, my eyes started to hurt, so I said “goodnight, moon” and went inside to watch some more Curb Appeal.

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Oct 26 2004

Kind of a recap, kind of a freak out.

Published by under Friends,The Fam,Travel

Like I mentioned in my last entry, I went back to my parents house on Saturday to crash and to attend a party thrown by Mackers and her boyfriend.  I didn’t see much of my parents – I basically showed up, BSed for a couple hours, then drove out to Mackers’ house in the next town over while my parents got ready to go eat dinner.  I’d give you a rundown of the party except for two things: 1. I was drinking, so I don’t remember a whole lot of it well enough to recount coherently and 2. Lots of what happened had nothing to do with me so it’s not right for me to give a play-by-play for the internet audience to see.  How mysterious!

I did have a good time, though, and I met some nice people, one of whom was the current fiancee of the guy I dated right after high school. . . which was eight years ago.  This girl made the point of telling me several times that she hadn’t wanted to come to the party because she was so nervous about being compared to me.  To which I nodded sympathetically while inwardly wondering what the hell the big deal was, yo.  It was EIGHT YEARS AGO.  I was eighteen years old – barely old enough to know anything about anything, and I sure don’t count that relationship as one of the BIG IMPORTANT THINGS that happened to me in my life.  Every time she mentioned how nervous she had been I just grew more and more confused.  But, ultimately, she was a very sweet girl and I enjoyed talking to her.  Even if she did twist my mind into knots.

I ended up going back to my parents house at around 2 AM.  I had stopped drinking awhile before, but even so I was freaked out.  Not because I was impaired, really, but because Montcalm County is notorious for the huge amount of car-deer accidents that occur on a yearly basis.  I had managed to never hit a deer in the years that I lived there or at any subsequent visit, and I sure didn’t want to start now, when I’d been drinking all night.  So, it was kind of a tense drive, but I made it, and collapsed onto the air mattress set up for me in the spare room.

The next day my stepdad woke me up at the crack of nine by tearing down the soffit on the house right outside the window of the room I was sleeping in.  Oh. . . the agony of getting up when I wasn’t ready to!  I bummed around the house until about 11ish, got in the shower and got on the road.  When I finally got home the soon-to-be-in-laws-with-three-kids (distinguishable from the other soon-to-be-in-laws who only have two kids or no kids) were there, because The Man was fixing their computer.  And while I really wanted nothing more than to collapse on my bed and sleep without someone pulling a soffit down outside my window, I tried tried TRIED to put on a semi-happy face and play with my soon-to-be-nephews and niece, and talk coherently and not grumpily to my soon-to-be-sister-and-brother-in-law.  Unfortunately, my reserves were already running low and I slipped into semi-snarky once or twice, although I didn’t want to.  It was my demon.  My demon came out and snarked at the lovely woman who knows about herbs and children and to whom I will no doubt be sobbing within the next couple of years that motherhood is SO SO HARD and then she will slap me because she has three kids and I’ll just have the one.

I don’t know what happened in that paragraph, but we’ll ignore it and move on, right?

Let’s see. . . yesterday The Man told me that by following his new diet plan of Eat Less Food, he has lost 10 pounds.  And I grabbed him and kissed him and told him I was proud (and I AM) but inwardly I was whining a little bit that “It’s not FAIR!” because I have been drinking Slim Fast shakes and eating Slim Fast bars for a long time now and I have lost one. single. pound.  That’s all.  I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I weigh 150 pounds and it looks like I will weigh 150 pounds until I get pregnant, at which point I will gain weight until I weigh 200 pounds.  And after that I will just never like the way I look again.  I try not to have weight issues, and most of the time I’m okay with how I look, but sometimes my little weight-neurosis comes out to play.

You know what?  I bet my hair weighs five pounds by itself.  I have a lot of hair.

Oh, that’s totally a joke.  My hair does not weigh anywhere near five pounds.  If it did, I would have cut it off by now and bronzed it to make dumbbells out of.

I just realized that the bastards over at Nextel never called me back to let me know how my credit ended up.  I’m tired of my crappy Sprint PCS phone!  But now I’m pissed at Nextel too!  Where will all my cellular dissatisfaction end?

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Oct 22 2004

On the road again.

Published by under Friends,Photos,The Man

Tomorrow I am going to Greenville to see Mackers and will be spending the night at my parents house.  This will be the first night I have spent away from The Man (other than the obligatory business trips, which don’t really count) since we moved in together.  And while I’m not really all sentimental about it, it does seem kind of strange to me that I am voluntarily spending the night away from my fiance, in a house that is no longer my home.  That I’ll be partying with Mackers and then going back to my parents house to crash.  It’ll be kind of like taking the Time Warp back to the summer after I graduated from high school, before I moved back ‘home’ to crash at Vicki’s for awhile.

However!  A party is a fine excuse to wear the Drunk Girl Shirt, which has been moldering in the bottom of my laundry hamper for months, yea verily.  The Drunk Girl Shirt is not one that you can wear out just anywhere, unless you want to give off the “I’m such an alcoholic I can’t even go to the mall sober” impression.  Basically, wearage of the Drunk Girl Shirt is limited to bars and parties, and I try to dress down a bit at bars when I’m around strangers because I don’t want to advertise the fact that my defenses are somewhat. . . lowered.

I’m also interested to see how much shorter the drive will be from our new house than it was from Ye Olde Trailer.  Probably only about a half-hour, but every little bit counts, and I have lots of CDs to rock out to, meaning that perfect strangers will be looking at the silly girl in the red Cavalier and shaking their heads at the stupidity that is me.  Because I like to sing in the car, and play air drums on the steering wheel, AND make the “rock and roll” face, even if I’m singing along to something that is in NO WAY “rock and roll”, such as Olivia Newton John.

What makes you think I won’t CUT YOU?
a.k.a. I needed to do a test shot and didn’t bother to smile

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Oct 21 2004

Wedding flowers.

Published by under Wedding

I went to the florist yesterday for my consultation to decide which flowers everyone was going to carry/wear in the wedding.  Here’s what we decided on:

Bridal Bouquet
Cascade shape
Red Roses (Flower meaning: love)
Calla Lilies (flower meaning: beauty)
Pine boughs (meaning: hope)
Something else that sounds like “yuke”. . . not yucca.  Little green buds that I believe open into tiny white flowers.

Bridesmaids Bouquet
Arm bouquets (meaning they carry them over their arms, not that the bouquet is tied to their arm)
3 Calla Lilies
3 White Roses (flower meaning: innocence)
The “yuke” stuff
Silver ribbon

Groom’s Boutineer
Mini-calla lily
Red Rose
Pine sprig

Groomsmen’s/Father/Grandfather Boutineer
Mini-calla lily

Mother/Grandmother Corsage
White Mini-carnations (pure, deep love)

And because The Man didn’t know what a Calla lily was, here’s a picture:

I also rented an arch that I’m going to decorate with pine garland (fake) and the arch itself already has little lights on it.  I might buy some ivory tulle to put on there as well, and there are pot stands at the base – red poinsettias in there.  All in all, it’s coming together.  Now I have to get the ceremony/reception schedule together for the DJ and get the programs printed.

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