Archive for January, 2005

Jan 31 2005

Step right up!

Published by under Friends,Holiday Magic,Work

I’ve been turned into a sideshow attraction at work.

Zuchiboy has a new class in (including The Youngest Miller Boy, yay!) and he was giving them the Obligatory Tour of the Building when I got into work this morning.  They were hanging out around my desk, talking about conference rooms and training rooms and whatever.  I got up to talk to The Man, reminding him that Vicki was picking me up at 2:00 PM.  When I rounded the corner on the way back to my desk, I saw the whole class huddled around my cubicle, while Zuchiboy expounded on something.

You know what he was telling them?  “Don’t ever marry another employee of this company, or you’ll end up like Jas.  She’s getting fired.”  Meanwhile, they were checking out the few wedding pictures I have up, and contemplating whether True Love was worth a job in corporate America.  I got so many pity looks.  It was astounding.

So, like I said, Vicki is picking me up today at 2:00 and we’re going to do fun and exciting things like eat lunch and exchange Christmas presents.  You thought Christmas was over a month ago but OH NO.  Not for me and Vicki.  We like to drag Christmas out as long as humanly possible, so we wait as long as we can to exchange gifts.  Of course, this often works to my disadvantage, as other people tend to buy things for her that are similar or exactly like what I have bought.  This year she was supposed to receive from me the “Dukes of Hazzard Season 1″ DVDs.  But her mom bought them for her too.  So, since I lost my receipt, I’m stuck with Dukes of Hazzard DVDs.  I hate the Dukes of Hazzard.  Anyone want these?  I’ll mail them to you.  Mickey frickey John Schneider.

Anyway, I had to get a new gift for Vicki, so I went to town yesterday.  I had vague ideas about what she wanted, but I had already been burned once.  I didn’t want to get her anything else she’d mentioned to me in the last six months, because I knew that if I did, someone else would have already given it to her.  So I bought her something she talked about a year ago.  That should be safe.

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Jan 29 2005

Yep, that hair is brown.

Published by under Photos,The Fam

I spent the day shopping with the other female members of my tribe.  They like to shop.  A lot.  I like to shop some, but compared to them, I am nothing.  Nothing, I tell you.  I did score a new sweater and a pair of boots for way below market value, so I count it a good trip.  My sweater is itchy, but it makes me look pretty good.  It’s like wearing the fashionable version of a hair shirt.  I’m so penitent.  My sister, on the other hand, shopped like she was never going to see an outlet mall again.  She kept saying “I’m really not like this!” and my mom kept finishing her sentence with “. . . except when I go into a store!”

Well.  I figured out how to use the timer on my digital camera.  And, I used my newfound knowledge to take this crapass picture of myself.  I know it looks like I have a smug little grin, but really I’m thinking “I hope the camera goes off soon, because I don’t know how much longer I can stand like this without falling down”.  My new hair color doesn’t show up very well because of the bright lights in the bathroom and the cah-razee flash on my camera, but you can see that it is, in fact, brown.

Everyone who sees me every day says they don’t notice much of a difference, but tonight when we were all out shopping, we ran into someone we hadn’t seen in like 10 years, and the first thing she said to me was “Your hair!  It’s so dark!”

Wow, I just realized I have no pigmentation in my skin at all.  Tres albino!

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Jan 27 2005

Anal-retentive princess.

Published by under Friends,Introspection,The Fam

I think my friends are turning on me.  A few nights ago, Vicki told me I was anal and Mackers told me I was a bad singer.  You can see why I keep them around – they are healthy for my self esteem.

Actually, I’ve been feeling blah for quite some time.  It’s winter. . . it’s always winter.  There’s really nothing to do about it.  It’s not bad enough to go to a therapist (or even to The Rapist) and get medicated.  It’s just me, involved in the World’s Longest Pity Party.  Luckily, I’m on the way out, since the days are getting longer.  A month or so and I should be okay again.

But, since I’m not getting the unconditional love and adoration I need from my friends (who am I kidding?  I’d die of shock if they fawned on me.) I did what I usually do to temporarily cheer myself up: I dyed my hair, painted my nails, and bought new lipstick.

Yes, thanks for asking, I’m completely self-absorbed.

The hair dye thing is nothing too drastic – I went for a darker brown, but I think it’s barely noticeable.  Mostly, the ends of my hair sucked up a bunch of color and are now dark instead of shading to reddish light brown.  Everything else looks pretty much the same to me, except that the gold and red has vanished.  It’s weird, because I haven’t really dyed my hair in years, if you don’t count a quick stint with a reddish rinse last year that washed out almost immediately.  I used to dye my hair all the time, but I wanted to leave it alone for awhile and see what my natural hair color turned into if I let it be.

I don’t dislike my natural color, but I actually prefer having darker hair.  I think it works better with my complexion.  My mother and sister have been on the Blonde Side for years, but I could never.  Well, I could never again.  I was blonde for awhile my junior year, and it was unpretty.  I kind of blame Mackers for not kicking my ass and throwing my Sun-In away.  Anyway, that’s one of the reasons I don’t look like my mom and sister.  I don’t even know what their natural hair colors are anymore.  I remember my mom had medium-brown hair when I was a kid, but my sister has been bleaching her hair for so long I forgot if she used to be a brunette too.  I’ll have to look that up.

(I looked it up – she was brunette.)

Anyway, I feel pretty nice today, which just makes me feel kind of stupid because I don’t think I should be so shallow.  But I am.  I guess I should just start embracing the fact that I am kind of high-maintenance.  And kind of a secret princess.  An anal princess with a terrible singing voice.

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Jan 26 2005

I am not my brother’s keeper!

Published by under Computing,Friends

There are certain things I am in need of right now, and if you feel like showering me with affection, you are more than welcome to buy any or all of them for me:

  • Cute shoes
  • A nice, cute, clutch purse
  • A new wallet.  Mine’s all clunky.
  • These earrings that I cannot find anywhere.  They’re called “Sleepers”, are hinged, and when they close, they are the same gauge all the way around.  No “stick this little wire into the teeny hole” BS.
  • A pair of Lucky jeans

Got all that?  Get shopping.  You may send links to items for my approval.

Oh, I’m just kidding.  I would never expect you to buy me things.

I’d expect gift certificates so I can buy them for myself.

DID YOU THINK WE TALKED ABOUT LITERATURE OR SOMETHING?

Jas: So, what, have you picked out names already?

Vicki:  Well, kind of.  I mean, not seriously or anything, because we’re not having kids RIGHT NOW, but yeah, we’ve talked about it.

Jas:  What did you pick out?

Vicki:  For a girl, Katelin or Lydia.  And for a boy, Michael Rainbow.

Jas:  I’m sorry, did you say RAINBOW?

Vicki:  Heh, yeah, but I just wanted to hear what you’d say.

Jas: Well, I was thinking, you’d have to spell it REIGNBEAU for it to be really cool.  But seriously, boys names?

Vicki:  Caleb or Elijah.

Jas:  Wow, kind of Biblical with the boys names.

Vicki: Yeah, in a way, I guess.  And you know, twins run in my family, so I was thinking, what if I had twins?  So I asked Scot what he thought of the names Cain and Abel for twins.

Jas:  Oh my god!  Hilarious!  And they’d always be like “I am not my brother’s keeper!”

Vicki:  Can you imagine the Catholic baptism?

Jas: Priceless.  So, you don’t have middle names or anything picked out?

Vicki:  Well, I’d like to use my last name for a middle name, but with “Lydia” it doesn’t work too well.  Because when I got angry, it would sound like I was yelling for my grandmother.

Jas:  True.  Oh, I know!  You could use “Julio” for the middle name.  Only, for the girls I guess it would have to be “Julia” (pronounced in the Spanish way: HOO LEE AH) because that’s the feminine version.

Vicki:  Lydia Julia!

Jas:  That reminds me of that line from The Wedding Singer.  You know, “Julia’s last name is going to be Gulia?  Julia Gulia?”

Vicki:  But I really like Lydia Julia!  Lydia Julia!

Jas: And her twin brothers, Cain and Abel!

Vicki:  Or for a boy it could be Jesús.

Jas:  And you could name his twin Damien.

Vicki:  I’m probably going to end up having sextuplets or something anyway.  I mean, my family has so many multiple births, and with my luck, that’s just the way it would go.  And people would send us diapers.

Jas:  You’d be one of those women giving a press conference in a muu-muu.

Vicki:  “Thank y’all so much for the Pampers.”

Jas:  “Lydia Julia, Michael Rainbow, Cain, Abel, Jesús and Damien really appreciate it.”

HOW WOULD YOU GRILL THAT?

I was under the impression that the purpose of spam was to reach a large amount of people with a message.  Usually a message about V!agr@ or C!@lis, but a message nonetheless.  However, I just got a piece of spam that was so abnormally large that it was making my mail program time out.  And I’m on a big honkin’ high speed internet connection because I’m at work.  I don’t know what it is.  T3?  OC-12?  No idea.  It’s very fast, that’s all I know.  And even with my big uba connection, this piece of spam was NOT coming off the server.  I had to log into my web based e-mail to clean it out.  It wasn’t even a virus.  It was just an abnormally large piece of spam.  Mutant spam.  Spam that had been exposed to crazy radiation.  It was the Godzira of spam.

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Jan 22 2005

I hope they used the good parts.

Published by under Snippets

I was watching I Love the 90s last night and I saw a commercial for Jimmy Dean breakfast wraps. One of the lines in the commercial was “Our eggs come from real chickens, our cheese comes from real cows, and the sausage comes from Jimmy Dean.”

Does that strike anyone else as really, really wrong? I’d rather have my sausage made of pork, not Jimmy Dean. Maybe that’s just me.

You can see the commercial here – you’ll need either QuickTime or Windows Media Player to see it.

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