Archive for March, 2007

Mar 18 2007

It could be osteoporosis.

Published by under Snippets,The Fam,The Man

Disappointing fact learned at doctor’s office: I am 1.5 inches shorter than I thought I was. Actually, I wasn’t disappointed so much as befuddled. My reality slipped a little bit.

Today The Man and I went visiting. We spent some time with my Grandma, and some time with his parents. It was nice. But everywhere we go, people try to feed us. Let up, people! We can only eat so much!

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Mar 15 2007

My mascot is “Pinchy the Crab”.

Published by under Outdoors,Stupidity

My browser tells me when there are severe weather alerts for my area, thanks to another awesome plugin called “ForecastFox”. It basically takes information from Accuweather.com and puts it in cute little icons.

Anyway, today I have a severe weather alert, so I click on the icon and it takes me to a printout of the alert issued from the National Weather Service. I have to say, I didn’t know the NWS had such mad skillz when it came to rhymes.

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN DETROIT/PONTIAC HAS ISSUED A FLOOD WARNING FOR THE FOLLOWING IN SOUTHEAST MICHIGAN.
RECENT SNOW MELT HAS CAUSED SIGNIFICANT RUNOFF INTO AREA RIVERS.
RUNOFF WILL BE PEAKING TODAY AND AREA RIVERS AND STREAMS WILL
RECEDE THROUGH THIS WEEKEND.
SAFETY MESSAGE…IF FLOODING IS OBSERVED…TURN AROUND DONT DROWN.

I just LOVE how everything is dry and serious and then we have the safety message at the end. I wonder who their Flood Safety Mascot is?
Oh, never mind. Thanks to the magic of Google, my question is answered as soon as I ask it. The National Weather Service’s Flood Safety Mascot is. . . .

SALTY THE SEAGULL

Man, I was just kidding! What is really funny to me is that kids are generally smart enough not to head into raging floodwaters. It’s only adults who sit there in their cars thinking “That water’s probably only a couple of feet deep. I can make it if I get through it real quick-like.” You think not? Well, even the NWS says that fully half of all flood-related fatalities are caused from vehicles being swept downstream. It’s not 8-year-olds out there in the Pontiac Grand Am going for a drive. It’s the adults. We are basically so dumb that we have to have a seagull tell us to “Turn around, don’t drown”. Maybe there would be fewer alcohol and drug-related deaths if we had kept putting Mr. Yuk stickers on everything that was bad for us.

Heroin will kill you! Mr. Yuk says “No!”

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Mar 15 2007

3/5 Cat Pictures, 2/5 Porn.

Published by under Computing

I use Firefox (and so should you), and I have the StumbleUpon add on. For those of you not in the know, StumbleUpon shows you a random web site, based on the interests you provide, and the ratings you give to pages as you view them. I have a pretty broad range of interests specified in this thing, and I rate lots and lots of different pages. Still, 3 out of every 5 pages SU shows me contain nothing but pictures of cute cats. Sometimes, these pages are cleverly labeled “Pictures of cute cats!”

There are only two conclusions here: 1) StumbleUpon is semi-sentient, and believes that I need to be neutralized. It attempts to keep my happy and quiet by showing me pictures of cats in amusing situations so I can chuckle quietly to myself OR 2) the Internet is 3/5 cat pictures.

If conclusion 2 is the proper one, I’m going to go on to hypothesize that the other 2/5 of the Internet is Flash games and the same shot of “the earth at night from space” copied onto thousands of different servers.

Let me save you the trouble of looking at 1/5 of the Internet.

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Mar 15 2007

Would you like a tiled, rotting orange?

Published by under Computing,Stupidity

Well, it’s past midnight, and that means that our internet provider has flipped their big switch from BROADBAND to DIAL-UP. I don’t know why, but for the last few nights, once the clock flips over to 12:00 AM, our internet connection starts slogging. If we are particularly unlucky, our outgoing mail server poops out, too. I can only imagine that they had some big meeting, and decided “Look, our traffic drops to only 5% of capacity after midnight. We can afford to anger 5% of our customers, because we make it up in savings. It’s win-win! Let’s raise the bar! Who’s going to action this?” It is painful to be online, but I am online nonetheless. Why, you ask? Well, because Chris is downstairs, nursing some violent strain of the flu, and I’m going to try to not get sick again quite this soon. And The Man is in bed, having turned in at a reasonable hour for once, instead of at his usual insane time.

I spent most of my night in the garage, finally finishing the tiling for the “house numbers” mosaic. I’ve only had the materials for. . . mmmm. . . eight months or so. Somewhere around there. I did the actual numbers last night, and finished the background tonight. I think it’s going to turn out pretty well, but it’s hard to tell. Grout changes everything, as I’ve been reminded several times tonight. I will say that it was pretty down to the wire with the tiles. I didn’t know if I’d have enough of the major background color. I ended up with only four tiles to spare. Close call.

Speaking of mosaics, I just ordered a huge shipment of new tiles. I wonder when they’re going to be here. Once they arrive I’ll need to go out and get things to stick them to. Non-rounded surfaces, preferably. But now I’m curious (because my mind is a wonderland), what would happen if you mosaic-ed an orange? Would the grout stop the orange from rotting, because it’s blocking the air? Or would the orange rot away anyways, but the outside would keep its shape because of the grout? Would it smell bad after the orange rotted?

You can discuss this fascinating topic in the comments.

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Mar 14 2007

Bad Joo-joo.

Published by under Computing

If you’re like me, and never forward chain e-mails, you probably should go take a look at this page. Now you can ignore threatening chain e-mails, knowing you are safe from any and all consequences. Tell your friends, so that they too can ignore chain e-mails with safety.

The page doesn’t specify, but I’m willing to bet this also applies to those stupid “You opened this so now you have to do it or else your whole family will die” MySpace bullitens.

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