Mar 11 2005

Michigan Works, but I don’t.

Published by at 11:38 pm under Pets,Work

Apparently, Michigan won’t allow me to just sit at home and collect unemployment.  They want me to do things like post my resumé on their job search web site, and then go out and try to find another job.  Oh, the humanity.

So, I posted my resumé on the damn web site, and I recalled how much I hate trying to explain everything that I did in my last job in a comprehensive manner.  Not that I really CARE one way or the other, mind you, but I figure if you’ve got to do something, you might as well do it right.  The problem is that I did so much in my last job that I come off as babbling.  I imagine I’m not alone in that.  I notice that people rarely have a single “job” anymore – they have a collection of random tasks that fall under an ambiguous job title.  I lucked out.  When people hear “trainer”, they assume you’re going to be doing things like standing up in a classroom and boring people, and I did my fair share of that.  It’s also a fair assumption that you created materials to aid you in your efforts of boring people, and I did that, too.  But then I start going on and on about maintaining online knowledge bases, and handling developmental training, and creating programs for those who Were Tired Of Being Bored To Death and so on and so forth and before I know it I’m figuratively frothing at the mouth and prospective employers are going “Okay. . . this one has obviously spent too much time staring into the bright light of the LCD projector.  Next!”

The Man, on the other hand, has some totally useless job title that in no way expresses what he does with his day.  So, when people (like my family) want to know what he actually DOES, he usually says “I go to meetings and write reports.”  Basically, yes, that’s true, but would you put that on a resumé?  Not if you wanted to get hired anywhere.  Employers would take one look at that and say “We have 87 people right now who do that.  Next!”  Hence, the babbling.

Aside from their unreasonable demands that I try to get another job while collecting unemployment, the state has sent me an unintentionally hilarious booklet about being unemployed.  It is full of such good advice as “The longer you are unemployed, the more willing you should be to take a pay cut, change careers, or relocate.”  It doesn’t matter if you’ve spent four years learning how to be a electrician. . . if you are out of work for approximately 13 weeks, you should be starting to investigate a career change, possibly into the pay-cutting world of fast food in India.

I also had to go to the Michigan Works! office on Wednesday (you like how they add the exclamation point?  Doesn’t it just scream “WE CAN FIND YOU A JOB!”) so that someone could stamp a form saying I had posted my resumé on their web site.  Isn’t that efficient?  It kind of defeats the purpose of Internet registration, but I guess that’s what the kids call “the bureaucracy”. Anyway, it’s been a long time since I was in a place like that.  I don’t mean an unemployment office – I mean a high school computer lab.  That’s exactly what this place reminded me of.  There were lots of confused people hesitantly poking at keyboards, and one harried person running from station to station, trying to keep them all going.  When I printed off my resumé in less than three minutes, I was viewed with the utmost suspicion, as though I had cheated somehow because I knew how to use a computer.


I have come to the conclusion that there is something about the tone of Destiny’s meow that bugs the holy shit out of me.  I don’t think it’s BECAUSE she is constantly meowing at me, because Fate does stuff like that too, sometimes, and it’s okay.  It’s something about the sonic waves of her PIERCING WHINY MEOW that bothers me a lot.  I can only take about 15 seconds of her talking at me before I start hollering.  “Shut up!  There’s nothing wrong with you!  Everything is fine!”  Of course, she answers this with more meowing.  She also trills while she walks.  At first, I thought maybe she was in pain or something, because every time she puts a foot down she makes her little “Prrt!” noise.  But after a thorough examination of her feet, and doing rudimentary checks of her joints, I’ve decided that she just likes to hear herself talk.  She will sometimes wake up out of a dead sleep just to run over and starting talking to me, and clawing my legs (which really adds to the whole experience, I totally recommend it).

I love my cat, but she is really, really annoying.

I checked my Diary-X stats today, which I rarely do because I just don’t care.  Someone got to my journal by searching for “Subliminal messages in the Catcher in the Rye” on Yahoo!.  I bet they were really disappointed when they found my entry on how Wuthering Heights sucks instead.

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