Oct 01 2008

My mind is trying to kill me.

Published by at 10:22 am under Health,Pets

For no good reason, I wake up every day at 5 or 6 AM.  My stomach is knotted up from anxiety about the cat.  I can’t go back to sleep unless I go downstairs and look at her to confirm that she is doing okay.  Most of the time, she is.  But sometimes. . . sometimes she will have tried to take a poop during the night.  And since she is still uber uncoordinated, she will have somehow managed, through what I can only assume is vigorous falling down, to get poop and cat litter all over the inside of her kennel.  There is also poop and cat litter stuck to her fur.  She will be huddled up in the only clean six-inch square spot in the kennel.  That’s how my day begins, sometimes.

The other times, I still wake up at 5 or 6 AM with a stomach knotted up from anxiety, but the cat is fine.  I look at her, and go back to bed for an hour.

Regardless of what situation I start my day with, my anxiety stays around until around 8:30, when it begins to taper off gradually.  Unfortunately, the hunger pains take the place of the anxiety-pains, but it’s hard to feel like eating when you’ve just spent two hours with stomach cramps.  So, I don’t eat until around 11:00.

By the time The Man gets home from work, I feel fine.  I eat a little dinner, and we get on with our night.  Destiny is doing well enough that she is out of her kennel most of the time.  I only put her in for overnight and when no one is home.  She’s a lot stronger, a lot more energetic, and is slowly regaining her balance (but she still falls down A LOT).  She moves pretty slowly and she has trouble turning corners.  But it’s a huge improvement from where we were only a week ago.

I wish I could convince my mind of that fact.  I spend a lot of time talking to myself, telling myself that there is NO REASON to be freaking out like that, but the fact is that I can’t help it.  I wake up that way.  I have no idea what I’m supposed to do to stop it.  This morning it was worse – I woke up at 2 AM.  I guess it was lucky that I did, though, because it was already a poopy cage day, so I cleaned that up and let the cat get some sleep in a clean place.  Then I woke up again at 5 AM.  And I really couldn’t get back to sleep, no matter what.  I napped on the couch for an hour or so after The Man left.

I used to sleep for nine or ten hours at a stretch.  Now, I feel lucky if I stay asleep for six.  I’m starting to think it might be a better idea to shut Destiny in the bathroom at night, so that if she scatters poop around she’ll at least be able to get away from it and sleep in a non-soiled area.  Maybe then my mind won’t be going “YOUR CAT MIGHT BE LYING IN ITS OWN FILTH!”  If, indeed, that’s what my mind is saying.  From what I can tell, my mind is really saying “YOU HAVEN’T GAZED UPON YOUR CAT IN SEVERAL HOURS!”

On a related note, these things might be the best invention in the whole wide world.  I spent three days trying to get my cat to eat a little bit of wet food with a pill mashed up inside before finding Pill Pockets on the internet.  Now she gets a treat in the morning, and she never notices that there is a pill with it.  And I can be sure she got the WHOLE dose of medicine.  They make them for dogs, too.

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