Tag Archive 'commercial'

Aug 05 2009

Actual words of a blog post, actually written by me.

Published by under Media

These JK Harris commercials have always confounded me.  You know, the ones where the person is standing in shadow, talking about how the IRS was beating down their door to get the back taxes, so they called JK Harris?  Well, at the bottom of the screen in the scene showing the shadowy victim of the IRS is some text that reads:  “Actual words of a JK Harris customer, as spoken by an actor”.

Watch the commercial.

So…if the person in the commercial is an actor, why is it so important to protect their identity with the Shadow of Back Tax Shame?  What horrible secrets lurk behind this thin veil of anonyminity?  Discuss.

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Sep 14 2008

For real?

Published by under Media,Stupidity

Am I insane, or is this a backwards robe?  Can you really sell someone a backwards robe and pretend like it’s a new, revolutionary product?  Well then, I have a backwards flannel shirt to sell you.  Oh, I’m sorry. . . I mean I have the awesome new MINI-SNUGGIE!  By popular demand, the mini-Snuggie, for people who only have a cold torso.

I have to say, the commercial (which you can see at the above link), gets pretty unsettling, because everyone is sporting a crimson Snuggie.  It looks like a commercial full of the Emporer’s Royal Guards, who happen to not be wearing their helmets.  Like it’s Imperial Casual Day.

5 responses so far

Feb 08 2008

No, I didn’t realize.

Published by under Rants,Stupidity

Do you realize which commercial currently bugs the hell out of me? That Land Rover commercial with the Flaming Lips “Do You Realize?” in it. It took me awhile to figure out what it was that bothered me, because that song has kind of become synonymous with “commercial” for me – it’s background noise. But then I listened to the commercial and realized (hah) that what they were basically saying is that no one gets how truly awesome Land Rover is. Like they convinced themselves that the reason that everyone is not driving a Land Rover is because THEY DIDN’T REALIZE that the Queen uses Land Rovers and that the Louvre thinks they’re awesome supercool. This is the reason that Land Rovers aren’t flying out of the lot! The ignorance of the populace! It couldn’t possibly be the prohibitive pricing (starting at $78,450 for the Range Rover) or the shitastic fuel economy (18 hwy/14 city for the 2007 Range Rover, according to Motor Trend – you can’t find this info on Land Rover’s site). I’m sure Land Rover makes a good car for someone who needs a Land Rover to go off road into the wild jungles or up a mountain or what have you, but most of us are driving on paved roads where there is very little chance that you’ll need to power over a rocky incline or through an untamed wilderness. Most of us don’t need a Land Rover. But they don’t realize that, choosing instead to speak to us as if we are morons who can barely comprehend the majesty that is a Land Rover vehicle, so they have to spoon feed us the glory with a catchy tune and irrelevant (but important sounding) facts.

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Dec 03 2007

These statements have not been validated.

Published by under Stupidity

I go to bed pretty late, so when I’m catching my late night television, I see a lot of products whose “claims have not been validated by the Food and Drug Administration”. Mostly these fall into two camps: weight loss and sexual enhancement. I guess no one wants to advertise a treatment for schizophrenia whose claims have not been validated by the FDA. Can you imagine that? “This is Bob. Bob used to run around hearing voices in his head and killing his neighbors with a hacksaw. But Bob called Schizlite for his free trial and now he’s a functional member of society with a much less frightened wife at home.”

Anyway, I was watching Ace of Cakes or something the other night, and an ad came on for a drug called Lipozene. This drug is supposed to melt away your body fat without any effort from you. Seriously – you don’t have to change your eating habits or exercise more – this pill does it all. This is not an unusual kind of claim for these late-night medical products to make, so I was kind of half-assed paying attention until I heard the spokeswoman blurt out this brilliant scientific fact: “Body fat forms on the midsection, over the muscle and under the skin.” No shit! Now they had my attention. This commercial just became prime entertainment. I mean, I wanted to see if perhaps there was some fine print at the bottom of the screen that said “If your body fat forms on top of your skin, this may be a sign of a serious medical condition. Consult your physician. Also, ew.”

I was very glad I had made the choice to watch closely, because the very next screen was one of those stupid graphics that supposed to show how the drug works. You know, outline of a body superimposed over a graph-paper background. Body fat drawn on in yellow over stomach, butt, and legs. All perfectly normal until next to the body appeared a cartoon of an enormous gel-cap type pill. It was as big as the body outline. The pill slowly opened up, and the powder medicine sprayed out in a cloud, attacking the body outline. The “fat” on the body outline melted away under the relentless assault from outside medical forces. The word at the bottom of the screen read: “DRAMATIZATION”.

Oh. My. God.

One response so far


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