Tag Archive 'television'

Feb 08 2008

Other people’s therapy.

Published by under Snippets

Does anyone watch the HBO show In Treatment? It sounds really. . . boring. Why would I want to watch other people go through therapy? I’m sure therapy is an emotional and difficult experience for the person going through it, but if you’re on the outside looking in, how interesting could it really be?

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Feb 08 2008

No, I didn’t realize.

Published by under Rants,Stupidity

Do you realize which commercial currently bugs the hell out of me? That Land Rover commercial with the Flaming Lips “Do You Realize?” in it. It took me awhile to figure out what it was that bothered me, because that song has kind of become synonymous with “commercial” for me – it’s background noise. But then I listened to the commercial and realized (hah) that what they were basically saying is that no one gets how truly awesome Land Rover is. Like they convinced themselves that the reason that everyone is not driving a Land Rover is because THEY DIDN’T REALIZE that the Queen uses Land Rovers and that the Louvre thinks they’re awesome supercool. This is the reason that Land Rovers aren’t flying out of the lot! The ignorance of the populace! It couldn’t possibly be the prohibitive pricing (starting at $78,450 for the Range Rover) or the shitastic fuel economy (18 hwy/14 city for the 2007 Range Rover, according to Motor Trend – you can’t find this info on Land Rover’s site). I’m sure Land Rover makes a good car for someone who needs a Land Rover to go off road into the wild jungles or up a mountain or what have you, but most of us are driving on paved roads where there is very little chance that you’ll need to power over a rocky incline or through an untamed wilderness. Most of us don’t need a Land Rover. But they don’t realize that, choosing instead to speak to us as if we are morons who can barely comprehend the majesty that is a Land Rover vehicle, so they have to spoon feed us the glory with a catchy tune and irrelevant (but important sounding) facts.

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Dec 24 2007

This entry is roughly as long as a snake.

Published by under Media,Stupidity

I have no mechanical aptitude whatsoever. I think somewhere along the line I broke the part of my brain that deals with spatial relationships and logic, because I cannot build nor even conceive of how to build something. For instance, two summers ago I wanted to make a planter for my front porch, which was basically a wooden box. I bought all the lumber, I measured everything out, I cut some stuff up, and then I stood there with a pile of wood and a confused look on my face. I literally could not figure out how to attach the boards to one another to make this wooden box. Could. Not. Do it. My husband had to rescue me, and he built that planter box in less than an hour because he is a regular person who can see that if you want a wooden box, then eventually you are going to have to screw some things together.

Despite my obvious shortcomings in the Build It Yourself department, I love this show on the Science Channel called “How It’s Made”. This show takes you into a factory or workshop and shows you step-by-step how they make things. Anything from suits of armor to CCD semiconductors – they will show you how it’s done. It’s wonderful. My favorite ones are when they are making things by hand, like violins or wooden ducks. However, most often you’re going to see a lot of automated machinery and robots doing things at incredible rates of speed or applying incredible amounts of pressure. And that’s where my confusion comes in.

The last few times I’ve watched this show, the narrator has said something like “The blank goes into a press, which exerts an amount of force roughly equal to the weight of four elephants.” The first time it didn’t really make an impact, but after hearing it twice, I started to think “Something is not right there.” I mean, I’m watching a show on The Science Channel. It’s a show about how science is used to make things. It is, most often, a very scientific show. When did “the elephant” become a scientific unit of measure? Wouldn’t it be better just to say “two tons” or however much it is? I also love how they have to throw in the “roughly equal” to make it sound even more like people are going around ordering things by the elephant now. Really, is there a press that exerts pressure precisely equal to the weight of four elephants? No, there is not, because elephants don’t all weigh the same amount.

I realize that most people have no way to visualize a ton, and that if you picture four elephants all balancing on one tiny bit of metal, you can say “Wow, that’s a lot of weight”, but really. You don’t know how much weight “four elephants” is, you just know it’s a lot. The same way you can’t really visualize 2000 pounds of weight , but you know it’s a ton. It’s a lot of weight. It’s such a lot of weight that people use the unit of measure as hyperbole in normal conversation – i.e. “I ate a ton of food”. What I’m saying is, most people have no frame of reference for that much weight, so why not just use the proper amount and be done with it? Four tons or four elephants, most people are going to have the same reaction: “I wouldn’t want to get my hand caught in that press.”

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Dec 03 2007


Published by under Snippets

I just noticed my last two posts were either totally or partially about television commercials. As my friends at Thetruth.com would ask “Whudafxup?” I guess I’m just noticing commercials more lately. Especially the dumb ones.

On the other hand, I have the new World of Warcraft commercials on my MySpace profile because they rock the fxing yard. Maybe Mr. T is pretty handy with a computer, indeed. I hope he is. I want Mr. T to be his hacker name.

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Dec 03 2007

These statements have not been validated.

Published by under Stupidity

I go to bed pretty late, so when I’m catching my late night television, I see a lot of products whose “claims have not been validated by the Food and Drug Administration”. Mostly these fall into two camps: weight loss and sexual enhancement. I guess no one wants to advertise a treatment for schizophrenia whose claims have not been validated by the FDA. Can you imagine that? “This is Bob. Bob used to run around hearing voices in his head and killing his neighbors with a hacksaw. But Bob called Schizlite for his free trial and now he’s a functional member of society with a much less frightened wife at home.”

Anyway, I was watching Ace of Cakes or something the other night, and an ad came on for a drug called Lipozene. This drug is supposed to melt away your body fat without any effort from you. Seriously – you don’t have to change your eating habits or exercise more – this pill does it all. This is not an unusual kind of claim for these late-night medical products to make, so I was kind of half-assed paying attention until I heard the spokeswoman blurt out this brilliant scientific fact: “Body fat forms on the midsection, over the muscle and under the skin.” No shit! Now they had my attention. This commercial just became prime entertainment. I mean, I wanted to see if perhaps there was some fine print at the bottom of the screen that said “If your body fat forms on top of your skin, this may be a sign of a serious medical condition. Consult your physician. Also, ew.”

I was very glad I had made the choice to watch closely, because the very next screen was one of those stupid graphics that supposed to show how the drug works. You know, outline of a body superimposed over a graph-paper background. Body fat drawn on in yellow over stomach, butt, and legs. All perfectly normal until next to the body appeared a cartoon of an enormous gel-cap type pill. It was as big as the body outline. The pill slowly opened up, and the powder medicine sprayed out in a cloud, attacking the body outline. The “fat” on the body outline melted away under the relentless assault from outside medical forces. The word at the bottom of the screen read: “DRAMATIZATION”.

Oh. My. God.

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