Archive for the 'Dreams/Nightmares' Category

Dec 11 2008

Totally unreasonable.

Published by under Dreams/Nightmares

I woke up from a dream this morning in which The Man and I were shopping at Wal-Mart, because I was looking for a puzzle to work on.  We were having a really hard time finding where they hide the puzzles at Wal-Mart, finally finding a rack back by the cheese section.  After we grabbed the puzzle, we started to head to the registers, but halfway there, The Man just laid down on the floor.  I was hissing at him to get up, what are you doing?  but he wouldn’t.  He was just chilling on the floor of Wal-Mart, telling me that I always nag him about the smallest things and I never let him do what he wants to do.  I was pretty embarrassed, because he was laying right in the middle of the aisle, and people couldn’t get by.  He wasn’t budging, though.  So, I went on to the registers, where a girl I used to work with at my old workplace was apparently moonlighting.  She checked me out and made fun of my puzzle.  When we got home, The Man told me he was leaving to go to Alaska, since he didn’t have enough money to divorce me properly.  Needless to say, this freaked me out, and he told me that that was the reason he was leaving – because I was always freaking out.

I guess I’m a little worried that I’m too critical.  Or else my subconcious is just screwing with me again.

5 responses so far

Nov 21 2008

Just give up!

Published by under Dreams/Nightmares,Infertility,Rants

Probably the most difficult part of dealing with infertility is other people.  To be honest, I don’t spend a lot of time fretting about not getting pregnant.  I think about it when I do my ovulation tests, and I think about it when it becomes blatantly obvious that this is once again Not Our Month, but I don’t obsessively chart my basal body temperature, I don’t read a ton of articles, I don’t hang out on infertility message boards, and I don’t even really seek medical help anymore since Dr. F seems to be kind of bust.

No, it’s the other people that get to me.  And most of the time, people will tell you that the worst part is someone asking “So, when are YOU two going to have kids?” at a christening or someone’s first birthday party.  That doesn’t really bother me, because I combat it with information overload.  I find it a kind of intrusive question to ask anyone – how is that your business?  So, I do my best to make the other person sorry they asked.  I talk about our diagnosis.  I talk about the treatments we’ve been through.  I talk about the medications I’ve tried and the things I’ve given up.  Most of the time, the other person REALLY does not want to hear this stuff, and they start getting that look in their eyes that says “Oh God, how do I turn her off?”  That’s when I get a nice, warm feeling in my heart.  I know it’s pretty passive-aggressive, but COME ON.  Asking someone in the middle of a crowded room how come she hasn’t reproduced yet is just plain rude.  You deserve to get the Full Medical Reasoning, In Detail, With X-Rays and All Related Test Results.

No, the worst thing for me is when someone says, “You know, you should just stop trying”.  Or, “You should just stop thinking about it”.  People, please.  If these words have ever left your lips in the direction of someone who is dealing with infertility, kindly check yourself.  It is not helpful.  It is not even POSSIBLE.  Stop trying?  You mean, stop having sex?  Or just go back to using birth control?  Which one is it?  Because either way, I’m not sure that it’s going to help, at least if my 5th grade Sex Ed class is to be believed.

And “stop thinking about it”?  How do you suggest I do that?  Let me tell you something:  This morning I had a dream.  I dreamed that I was doing my regular ovulation test, but somehow I accidentally used a pregnancy test instead.  When I looked at the test, it said I was pregnant.  I double checked.  I started to cry.  I started to laugh.  I yelled for The Man.  I told him we were pregnant.  He hugged me and we jumped up and down because we were excited.  And then, I woke up.  And that dream was so real that for a minute, I couldn’t figure out if it had been a dream or if it had really happened.  And when I realized it was just a dream, I was pretty bummed out, let me tell you.  How am I supposed to stop thinking about it when my subconcious sends me shit like that to deal with?  It’s not like I go around all day thinking “Must have baby.  Must have baby.  Must have baby”.  Other than quitting smoking and taking a pre-natal vitamin, my day-to-day life is usually not affected by my desire to get pregnant.  So, stop thinking about it?  Sure.  I’ll get right on that.

At any rate, this stuff doesn’t happen very often.  I’m just in a bad mood today because it seems like everyone around me is suddenly getting pregnant, and I get to be all happy for them, when really, sometimes, I secretly feel like punching them in the mouth.  So, I come here to blow off steam, because that’s what I have this place for.  And also, to give you some good advice:  Don’t tell people to stop trying or to stop thinking.  It’s not helpful.  And don’t ask when people are going to have kids.  It’s just rude.

2 responses so far

Apr 30 2008

Clock destruction.

Published by under Dreams/Nightmares

My dream last night consisted of getting back the clock Dr. Mom gave me, which I currently have out for cleaning and repair.  It is a lovely German shelf clock, which winds up and chimes on the half-hour and hour.  The horologist told me it needed a thorough cleaning and three bushings/bearings replaced (in real life, not in my dream), so I’ve been waiting for him to finish up with that.  I guess I’ve been worrying about it subconsciously, because when I got it back in my dream last night, the horologist had gutted the inside and screwed a battery-powered quartz movement into the case.  The chime now sounded like a doorbell.  When I complained, he basically shrugged and said that the old movement was pretty worn, and this was a lot easier and less expensive than replacing it.  Need I say that I was pretty unhappy?  Now I really am anxious about getting that clock back!

2 responses so far

Oct 05 2007

OK I think we’ve covered all the bases now.

Published by under Dreams/Nightmares

I have pretty vivid nightmares. I don’t usually remember normal dreams, but I will always remember a nightmare. And many of my nightmares have two themes: people I love being murdered violently and natural disasters.

Last night I finally got the final mark in the Natural Disaster Nightmare Bingo Card when I dreamed about an erupting volcano. WTF? I live in Michigan, probably the most volcano-free area in the world. I have never been to a place where volcanoes are a big worry, and I never plan to make my home on Hawaii. Why my mind decided to terrify me with a volcano dream will remain a mystery, but I have to say it beats the hell out of my tornado dreams, because those ones are too realistic.

Everyone in the volcano dream was very laid back, except for me. I was the one running around trying to pack bags and hustle people up. Everyone else was rather casually talking about where to go, like we were headed out on vacation. Right before I woke up, a big flaming rock had crashed through a back room, and I STILL couldn’t get my sister out the door. She was too busy chasing down and killing a random bug in the house. My mother was insisting that we take shelter at “Uncle David’s house” – I couldn’t get it through her head that “Uncle David” doesn’t exist, I have no such uncle, she has no such brother, where the hell is she trying to take us?!

I guess it wasn’t really a nightmare because I wasn’t scared until the very end when the eruption actually started, but it was a very tense dream. It was like being the only sober person in a room full of stoners who won’t believe that the cops are coming and so won’t put the bong away.

One response so far

Aug 22 2006

I just woke up from a dream that ended with my get…

Published by under Dreams/Nightmares

I just woke up from a dream that ended with my getting my throat cut, spraying blood everywhere, and choking on what wasn’t being sprayed out. The rest of the dream had similar high points, but with less gore. It was a very long, involved dream. I am very glad it’s over.

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