Archive for the 'Rants' Category

Aug 17 2012

Everyone wants a piece.

Published by under Rants

You know, I’m kind of getting tired of every store I go into asking me if I want to give a dollar to their favorite charity. The pet store wants me to give a dollar to homeless pets. The home improvement store wants a dollar to send handicapped kids to camp. The fast food joint is collecting for muscular dystrophy. I mean, I give when I can and I give what I can, but the majority of my giving happens at and through my church. I know if I throw $20 at the lunchbag program and a few cans into the collection box, that stuff is going directly to the needy people in my own neighborhood, with very little to no administrative overhead. But, sometimes, I’ll give a dollar to homeless pets, just because I have an extra dollar and I want pets to have homes. But sometimes I don’t have the extra dollar, or I’ve already given out $10 this week and I need to stop.

A few months back, I was in Babies R Us, exchanging some stuff I’d gotten for things I needed off my registry. I ended up having to pay the difference, and sure enough, the cashier asked “Would you like to donate a dollar toward ending autism?” I knew our money was tight. I said, “No thanks” and proceeded to pay. Afterwards, I stayed at the end of the counter, putting my change and stuff away and getting organized. I heard the cashier ask the next woman in line if she’s like to donate, and she said rather loudly “Yes, I would. I’m against autism.” I looked up, and sure enough, she was looking at me.

Fuck you, lady. I’m against eating ramen noodles because I frittered all my money away on every damn business that has a hand out. I should have flipped her the bird, but instead I just said “GOOD FOR YOU” and left the store.

It puts me off when businesses try to chisel a dollar out of me, especially multi-million dollar businesses. If a local diner has a jar out for a local wounded vet, that’s one thing. If every cashier at Lowe’s is pointedly asking me for an extra buck just to guilt-trip me into giving to their own particular charity, that’s annoying. If you’re soooo concerned, pledge to donate 1% of every purchase and be done with it. Take the money out of your own pocket, big business. But no. They make the cashiers ask, because they know customers will feel guilty saying no, and they also know if someone does say no, there will most likely be a self-righteous asshole like the BRU bitch standing right there to shame them into saying yes next time.


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Jan 30 2012

I’m SO excited.

Published by under Health,Pregnancy,Rants

I have to go in for weekly appointments now. Actually, I’ve been doing this for three or four weeks already. I have to get a non-stress test, an ultrasound to measure my fluid levels, and then have a regular OB check up. All in all, this takes about two hours, total. It’s not that any one of these things takes a long time. The NST takes perhaps 30 minutes. The ultrasound about 5 minutes, and the OB check about 10 minutes. But I have to wait, and wait, and WAIT for all of these people to be ready to see me. The OB appointment is always last, and I always have to wait the longest for them. Sometimes, like today, they’ll take me out of the waiting room, put me in the exam room, and make me wait for another 25 minutes in there.

The OB always says the same thing when he/she comes in, no matter which doctor I pull out of the pool: “So, getting close. Are you excited?” And I always want to say something like “I’ve been sitting in this tiny room, in this uncomfortable chair, with NO PANTS for about 25 minutes. I’m nine months pregnant, I have to pee, and my hips are killing me. I’m about as far from excited as you can possibly get.” But I always bite my tongue and just say “Oh yeah, I’m excited.”

One response so far

Dec 29 2011

Yes, I’m bitching at a charity.

Published by under Rants,Spirituality/Religion

Dear Episcopal Relief and Development:

Is it terrible that today when I received your e-mail, subject line “The Meaning of Our Faith”, I immediately filled in “…is apparently sending daily spam e-mails and weekly newsletters begging for money”?

Look, I get it. Things are bad in lots of countries right now, and not bad in that American “I can no longer afford my home and must downsize to an apartment” way, but rather the “I have to drink the water from that puddle over there, and it is cholera-laden, but it’s either that or die of dehydration” way. I do understand that. That’s why, every Lent, we send you guys money. It’s not a ton of money, because while we are not as bad off as some Americans right now, we still don’t have a ton of money, but it’s money. And you repay us by putting on the e-mail and letter campaign the entire rest of the year.

I know the need doesn’t diminish just because it’s not Easter time. I know that people in Africa still need goats, or malaria nets, or clean water, or school lunches, or any of the other massively amazing things that you guys help provide. It’s just that…the rest of the year, we kind of need to keep our focus on the problems in our own backyard. There are soup kitchens to be stocked and children to be clothed and old people who need toilet paper. There are homeless people who come to the church four days a week to get one meal. Easter is yours; the rest of the year belongs to them.

Stop sending me guilt trips about “The Meaning of Our Faith”. I’m doing the best I can. My yearly contribution of ducks and bee keeping supplies will be sent as usual around Easter. In the meantime, my money is going to canned food.


(And yes, I did the much more practical thing of unsubscribing from the e-mail mailing list as well.)

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Dec 23 2011

Drip dry.

Published by under Beauty,Rants,Stupidity

When it comes to moisturizing options, I prefer body oil over lotion. It just seems more efficient to me: get out of shower, slather on oil, dry off, all done! It absorbs better than lotion and I don’t have a greasy feeling. Sometimes, I make my own, sometimes (like lately) if I’m lazy, I’ll buy it and try different kinds.

What strikes me is that on just about every commercial version I buy, the instructions are some variation of: “Smooth onto damp skin after bathing, and then pat dry with towel or allow skin to dry naturally“. Allow skin to dry naturally? Do you know anyone who does this? NO ONE does this. But every single body oil has to recommend it. Can you even imagine someone standing there, post-shower, dripping on the mat for 15-20 minutes, staring vacantly into space, just waiting patiently for nature to take its course and the miracle of evaporation to occur? No, you cannot. Because you are a normal person, and you have Things To Do. Do you know the last time I dried “naturally”? When I was a child, in summer, fresh out of the pool, tear-assing around the yard. That’s what kids do: they get out of the pool and launch right into a game of Tag or something. They’re dry in two minutes. I don’t really have the option of greasing myself up and then running around the house (or God forbid, the yard) in order to more efficiently “dry naturally”. So, I shall pat myself dry with a towel, always wondering if I’m missing out on the nirvana of skin moisturizing by not taking the natural route.

For the record: Neutrogena Body Oil (Light Sesame Formula) is WAY too light for me. I don’t think it did anything – my skin still feels pretty dry. However, if you are someone who doesn’t need much in the way of moisturizing, give it a go.

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Nov 02 2011

Maternity Clothes Shopping

Published by under Pregnancy,Rants

Warning: gratuitous use of capital letters ahead.

I’ve never really been the type of person who, when shopping for clothing, wanted a salesperson stuck to me. If one approaches me while I’m looking, my general response is “I’m all right, just looking around.” And then…they go away. And that’s exactly what I want. However, I’ve learned that maternity salespeople are a WHOLE different breed. I’ve tried the “I’m just looking around, I’ll let you know if I need anything” line, but every single time the salesperson just stands right there and keeps talking to me about sales and products and what in particular am I looking for? The one from yesterday (at Macy*s), actually TOOK THE SWEATER I was looking at out of my hands and hung it back up on the rack! All the time still talking about sales and promotions! Who the hell does that and expects the customer to remain receptive? This lady, obviously. She also tried pressuring me into buying a winter coat. “Well, you know, if you want a winter coat from here, you’d better buy one soon because I run out of sizes early.” Oh, thanks lady, I’m sure I’ll keep that in mind if I ever feel like spending $150 on a coat that I will wear for FOUR WHOLE MONTHS.

The other thing that bugs me is the prying questions into how big my wardrobe is. How is that relevant? “So, do you have a lot of maternity clothes, or are you just starting to get a few pieces, or…?” What does it matter? I may purchase this shirt. If I have 4 or 40 other shirts at home, I STILL may purchase this shirt. Why do you care how many clothes I have? I have never been asked this by any other kind of salesperson, only maternity salespeople. I can’t fathom a Best Buy employee asking me how many other computers I have at home, as though the one I’m buying now might not get enough love.

Has anyone else experienced this, or is it just me? I’m willing to concede that I might look like someone who is clearly lost and needs a lot of hand-holding, but you’d think that after I used the polite version of “Please leave me alone”, they would actually leave me alone.

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